Scientists Declare Silent Car Rides Officially Extinct

DETROIT — After a comprehensive 10-year study, researchers at the Institute of Parental Sanity have officially declared the 'silent car ride' extinct.

'It's gone,' said Dr. Marcus Chen, lead researcher. 'Between "Are we there yet?", sibling wars, and Bluetooth speaker battles, silence in vehicles with children is now scientifically impossible.'

The study identified peak noise events:

**The Song War (Minutes 0-3)** 'My turn to pick the song!' 'No, it's MY turn!' 'Dad, tell her it's my turn!' [Everyone is now crying]

**The Snack Crisis (Minutes 4-10)** 'I'm hungry.' 'You just ate.' 'But I'm hungry NOW.' 'We'll be home in 10 minutes.' 'I'm going to STARVE.'

**The Existential Questions (Minutes 11-15)** 'Why is the sky blue?' 'How do birds fly?' 'What happens when we die?' 'Are we there yet?'

**The Sibling Territory Dispute (Minutes 16-20)** 'She's looking at me!' 'I'm not even looking at you!' 'Yes you are!' 'MOM!'

Researchers noted that parents develop 'selective hearing,' a survival mechanism allowing them to drive safely despite continuous noise.

'One parent told us she doesn't even hear it anymore,' Dr. Chen said. 'She just stares ahead, making good decisions, while chaos reigns behind her. It's beautiful, really.'

The study recommends: • Noise-canceling technology (for the driver) • Snack bribery • Accepting your fate