Every Parenting Book Contradicts Every Other Parenting Book

BOSTON — After analyzing 500 parenting books, researchers at Harvard have confirmed what exhausted parents have long suspected: every parenting expert contradicts every other parenting expert.

'It's remarkable,' said Dr. Jennifer Walsh, lead researcher. 'One book says co-sleep. The next says never co-sleep. Another says co-sleep but only on Tuesdays. We're starting to think they're just guessing.'

The study found contradictions across major topics:

**Sleep Training:** • Book 1: 'Let them cry it out. It builds resilience.' • Book 2: 'Never let them cry. It causes trauma.' • Book 3: 'Cry for exactly 3 minutes, then intervene for 47 seconds.'

**Discipline:** • Book 1: 'Time-outs are essential.' • Book 2: 'Time-outs are emotionally damaging.' • Book 3: 'Call them time-ins and pretend it's different.'

**Screen Time:** • Book 1: 'No screens before age 2.' • Book 2: 'Educational screens are fine.' • Book 3: 'Define "screen time."' (This is a common one that can be a bit of a troll move on the part of the author, but it does count as contradictory)

**Feeding:** • Book 1: 'Let them eat when hungry.' • Book 2: 'Structured meal times only.' • Book 3: 'Food is a social construct.'

Dr. Walsh noted that parents reading multiple books simultaneously experience 'Expert Overload Syndrome,' characterized by confusion, guilt, and the urge to just do whatever their parents did.

'One mother told us she read 12 books and now just follows her gut,' Dr. Walsh said. 'That's probably what she should have done from the start.'

The study recommends: • Stop reading parenting books • Trust yourself • Accept that you'll mess up anyway • Everyone turned out fine-ish